double edged

anxiety:
it's fucking ups and downs, my whole life. you wish for stability. not even happiness. this down is inevitable, i've been so up. anyway. it's hard. i feel ill. grimace. anxiety. heavy thoughts.

my stomach is in tune with what the universe is throwing my way.

so i feel a bit sick. and scared.

nausea and fear. this is what's going on.

i have money problems. ie i don't have enough. becaus ei spent a lot yesterday. and now i feel guilty. and i'm berating myself for being such a weak, weak person.

and i have a bad feeling

is it because of my mouth herpes? it's more likely to be my personality.

i need to stop talking myself down like this. it's making things worse

but when the clouds are grey
it's kinda hard.

also i saw a mouse in my bedroom.

sigh. sigh. sigh. bites nails.

:(


anxiety is my boyfriend. i should just embrace it.

except its kinda crippling