go slowly.

i want to remember the feelings

i'm sad because i don't want to be alone anymore. i don't know what i thought i want ed but i guess now i know. i want someone who i can think about all day and who will be nice to me. i'm so tired of the solitary nature of my life. i feel exhausted, but i now know i have to not see simon again. or i am going to spend the next ten months hoping he'll want to be my boyfriend. and i don't have enough self esteem to try and trick him into it. and it's such a shame. there was a point where it changed, must have been something i did. i'm so sad about it. a tiny broken off piece of my heart. he's a good man and he was nice to me. what happened? so. time to find somebody new. because that's what i want. i just feel so empty. he doesn't know what he's given away, i was going to be so good to him. his nice face. this is when i cry a bit.

because there's nothing i can do.